Undertow Manumit
by Tazzer
Summary: Conclusion. Set 10 years after Heather's granddaughter is born, the year is 2015 and the former Dominatrix contacts Gil.
1. Chapter 1 - Homecoming

**Undertow Manumit**

Summary: Set 10 years after Heather's granddaughter is born, the year is 2015 and the former Dominatrix contacts Gil.

Note: I always wanted to do a Heather/Gil story back in the day, but never did. I had this story come to mind earlier this year and was finally inspired to start writing it down after watching the live Linkin Park Yahoo concert in Aug. I always thought the lyrics to the song 'Numb' applied to Gil and hearing CSI could bite the dust soon, I felt it was time to release my Whippers / T-4-2 shipper fic.

Standard Disclaimer: I still don't own them, only knocked the dust off to play with them one more time.

_**Chapter One – The Homecoming**_

The powerful August sun inundated his back as though it was being roasted. The heat, the intense unyielding heat he had not missed in the least. That aspect of living in a desert hadn't really bothered him when he was younger, but it also helped that he slept during the hours when the summer sun was at its worst. Those days were long gone now and belonged to another man - a contented man – an unfettered man.

Once the front door was swung open, it was the dark coolness to hit him first, followed by the slight aroma of mustiness. Dark blue eyes couldn't adjust fast enough even after perching sunglasses up onto loose curls of hair. Flipping on the light switch helped tired eyes focus and survey the scene before him. It was the same cluttered mess he had left six weeks prior. It wasn't a surprise since he didn't expect some kind-hearted fairies to sneak in during his absence to both unpack the numerous cardboard boxes and organize the rest of his stuff. Sure it would have been nice, but in reality it was still up to him to deal with the partially open storage boxes. Also adding to the clutter were pieces of furniture that didn't blend in with the majority, but where there anyway. They competed for precious space, refusing to leave based solely on inheritance.

Like so many other homecomings, swiftly coming up to greet him were those same damn conflicting emotions. There was no longer his best buddy Hank the dog to come greet him. No, only those handful of emotions came up to lick his face.

The first and congenial ones that embraced him consisted of gladness, satisfaction and serenity. They came and faithfully washed through his weary body, while enveloping his soul in a warm cozy blanket. Was it queer to have such a visceral response arise from being reunited with an entire lifetime of meaningful possessions, and not from a person? He thought not.

Crashing the soiree like each time before was bitterness, resentfulness and a big splash of melancholy.

Giving a sigh, he closed the door and maneuvered through the small, cramped studio apartment to set both briefcase and a paper bag onto the kitchen counter. Continuing on to the bed, he dropped the suitcase at the foot of it. Stripping out of his cloths and leaving them where they fell, some on the bed, some on the floor, a part of him asked when did he become such a slob? No answer was needed, because he knew exactly when to the day and hour it had invaded his once organized and immaculate existence.

The argument.

Well, not actually an argument since he never raised his voice.

The discussion.

Well, more like a one-way discussion about picking up after oneself and keeping the home clean and orderly. Yes, that was the last time he tried to be himself. Halfway into the argument, oops correction _the discussion_, he realized corporation wouldn't come. It hadn't come after one week, after two months or even after three years, so it wasn't coming then and probably never would.

In hindsight that's when he should have ended it. Sure, there were so many other times he should have had the balls to end it. Actually, it was something he should have never started to begin with. Hindsight proved he should have kept avoiding it, but no, he ventured down that road and thus came that particular day. He had to put an end to the asking, pleading and begging. He had to for his own sanity. Yes, it was far better back then to keep the peace by giving in, which was actually giving up.

Peace, a state of living that was always part of his life, he so desperately wanted back in that moment. He needed it back because it had been a bad week at work. So if he could lure peace back then maybe, just maybe he could relax and regroup before going back to work that night. He wanted that possibility so badly, even thou it actually meant loosing his sense of self in the process. It was that day he became a slob and he hadn't really found his way back from it.

Stepping into the shower, he needed the water and soap to wash away the grim and stink of traveling. People he could deal with as long as a certain personal space was maintained, so traveling was a double-edge sword. One side allowed him to see the world and experience life outside of the cold, sterile crime lab. The other side entailed being treated like cattle, no actually worse than that, because it was human-to-human, rather than human-to-animal degradation. And it sucked. Being made to slowly march in line for the privilege to be viewed as suspicious civilian scum, only to be crammed into the small confines of a plane was the humiliating cost of traveling. Doctor Gil Grissom now traveled the world teaching what he made a career of, being one of the best criminalists with a specialty as an entomologist.

With all that behind him and down the drain, Gil donned a clean T-shirt and shorts. Having fixed a glass of ice water, he opened up the paper bag and dumped out the mail retrieved from his P.O. Box. Sorting through garbage advertisements, bills and letters, a corner of a vivid pink envelope caught his eye. Enticed, two fingers slid it through the mess and towards him. Once it was free, he felt his heart skip a beat or two, before it continued on with a faster rhythm.

Fingers caressed the envelope, as if caressing the lips of a woman from long ago. The painstakingly, yet exquisite calligraphy was partially covered with a Post Office change of address sticker, blemishing the beauty beneath. The original address belonged to his mother's home and the author was indeed - his secret. He never considered her a 'dirty' secret, but a part of his life that didn't need to be shared with anyone.

Cradling the precious envelope he walked to the corner desk and sat down. Picking up a letter opener, he carefully sliced apart the top thus breaking the seal. Lifting it up to his nose, he caught a whiff of a familiar faint scent of the unique woman who had sent it. The dirt, filth and God-knows what else the letter was subjugated to after it was dropped off, couldn't completely obliterate the fragrance housed inside. Inhaling again, but longer and deeper this time so the essence sank down to the depths of his lungs. Another deep breath unsealed that portion within his brain that quartered the greatest high he ever experienced. All the memories, feelings, emotions and exquisite bliss that was created from their carnal knowledge flooded his senses.

The majority of his life was spent keeping emotions locked down and segmented away. Lately, he allowed any emotion to bubble up, take over and carry him away. He didn't mind nor was he longer afraid. He was aware his time on earth was now far shorter than the time already spend on it, so what the hell. With age came the attitude that said it was acceptable to frolic in emotions that made humans - well human.

Pulling out a card he took in its beauty. Of course it had a refined elegance, he expected nothing less. The creamy colored card was decorated on the left side with sophisticated pink flowers that were situated between soft blue ornate corner accents. The flowing brown script simple said, _You're Invited._

For a fleeting second he hesitated opening up the card, apprehensive about what he'd read inside. Curiosity won out and he bravely he did so to be pleasantly surprise. He read,

_Join us to celebrate the 10th birthday of_

_ Allison Kessler_

_ Sunday, August 2nd, 2015_

_ At 1:00 p.m._

In his mind's eye flashed a memory of sitting in a dungeon-like basement looking at a book with a date of August 3rd, 2005 written down. He cocked his head to the side at the single day difference. Memories continued to flash; a leather whip in a distraught woman's hand rained down like God's own judgment on a despicable sinner. A flood of tears and whole-body convulsion sobs hurt his heart as a feeling of protection was remembered. Lifeless eyes of no hope gave way to surprise and a smile that affirmed life was again worth living.

Handwritten on the opposing side was,

_Gil,_

_ I hope you'll consider stopping by long enough to enjoy a piece of cake and tea. This milestone wouldn't be if it were not for your relentless caring._

_ Fondly,_

_ Heather_

Additional memories flooded his senses calling forth a new set of emotions, but that only lasted a minute because reality hit him upside the head. "Oh no."

Quickly looking down at his wrist didn't help seeing he left his watch in the bathroom. Standing up and turning towards the kitchen his eyes zeroed in on the illuminated clock on the oven. It read 3:41 and today was indeed the second of August.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2 - Second Opportunities

**_Chapter Two – Second Opportunities_**

The air conditional was set low, really low so the room felt chilly despite outside temperature which as over 110 degrees. Despite the hot summers in Las Vegas, the garden atrium was a lovely setting more often then one would think. It was only during the daylight hours from June till September when the sun needed to be tamed. And so it was with sunscreens this Sunday.

The cool air was required today to help keep all the flowers and fauna fresh as they filled the room with the most pleasant of fragrances. This particular occasion marked a major milestone; a special girl was leaving the single digits of life behind and from here out, she would forever have two numbers associated with her age. Not many birthday parties for a ten-year-old girl offer a chance to learn a sophisticated art like flower arranging. Of course there was also a fun activity of digging into the boxes of costume jewelry, some bright bling-bling to enhance the appearance of those in attendance. Why should the flowers be the only ones to flaunt their glamorous looks today?

Nine girls all around the age of ten were well behaved as they listened to the professional instructor, but once they were able to work on their own creations the noise level increased. Having that many high-pitch voices talking non-stop for the past few hours was bringing on a headache. Not that the host of the party minded, because the alternative would have been far worse. It was just tiring at her age and very different from the noises the house use to be home to.

In the years since it was known as The Dominion, Dr. Heather Kessler had become accustomed to the quietness that enveloped her home and office. Gone were the yells, moans, groans and talking white noise that had filled her waking hours for well over a decade. She didn't follow the Vegas norm for women, where men controlled and used women until they were depleted of usefulness before tossing them to the curb. Instead, she was a self-made businesswoman who took those controlling men and brought them to their knees, while all the time getting paid a handsome sum for that privilege.

Looking back, Heather was proud of what she had built and equally proud in her newest endeavor at having built a respected practice. But what eclipsed all those successes was being a beloved grandmother, because with that came a second opportunity of doing what she couldn't with her own daughter.

If there was a silver lining to not be granted full-time custodian rights to her grandchild, it was in the opportunity to explore a new calling as a woman. Life as a grandmother offered a very different role from what she had spent most of her adult life doing, being a disciplinarian in one form or another. Jerome Kessler and his second wife Lisa, not only were the primary caretakers to Allison, but also the day-to-day disciplinarians. In their role as the 'parents' their steady influence became the meat and potatoes for building the child's character. Whereas Heather's shorter times and influence with Allison swung into the special sweet treat territory. The condensed visits made each minute special, while planting little seeds of refinement in the growing girl.

Since that first awkward moment holding the joyful 22 month old baby, her visitation times in the last eight years allowed Heather to be lenient and spoil the girl in ways she wasn't afforded as a mother to Zoe. It was all bittersweet though. Always in the background was the awareness of Zoe not around to share these times or to see her mother take delight in being a grandmother.

Standing inside the atrium door, Heather observed the laughter and smiles of the girls, but mostly of Allison and Jerome's two daughters, Brittany and Nicole. His girls were actually women now, 25 and 22 years respectively with good jobs. The older worked in a law office as a paralegal and the younger as an assistant account at The Cosmo Casino. Both were teenagers when Allison came to live with them and quickly took to their niece right away. As the years went by, Heather saw what a favorable factor it was for Allison to grow up with other children in the home. Also in that time, her and Jerome were able to bury the past and become friends, something she never thought possible when she was nineteen years young.

"Grandma, come see!" Loudly exclaimed a girl with light brown hair and hazel colored eyes.

Leaving her sentry spot, Heather glided through the atrium to stand behind Allison. "Why sweetie that's…very colorful." The flower arrangement that the former Dom was looking at had the symmetrical, full-mass pyramid shade typical in Victorian design, but the choice of flowers had no harmony. Instead of complementary colors and shapes place together, the opposite was done.

Proudly Allison informed her, "It's an explosion of color. I pictured confetti falling from the sky when making it."

Sweeping a hand through the girl's hair, Heather said, "You certainly accomplished what you set out to do. It's wonderful example of self expression."

"Aren't you going to make one?" Allison asked over her shoulder.

"I wanted to make sure there was enough material for you and your friends. But yes, I would love to make one. May I?"

With an air of being older than her actual years, Allison said, "Please do."

Walking to the table set in the middle of the room, Heather scanned the assortment of remaining flowers. Being drawn to the queen of flowers, a branch of purple dendrobium orchid, she picked it up. She breathed in its light fragrance, which brought to mind soaking in a tub filled with the brightly colored beauties. Using that as her inspiration, she spotted a 5-inch glass bubble ball vase and went to work. Carefully inserting the flowering portion of the orchid stem into the bowl, she then positioned several inches that held unopened buds to protrude out on an angle. To finish it off, she poured water into the bowl causing the brightly colored flowers to float inside offering a calming effect.

With a half an hour to go before the party guest parents would show up and retrieve their daughters, Heather clapped her hands to get the girl's attention. "We have ample of flowers left over if anyone would like to make a tussie mussie bouquet for your mothers. They go together rather fast, come over and I'll show you."

The girls gathered round Ms. Kessler to watched.

Standing tall in a circle of girls, Heather began the lesson. "Traditionally in Victorian times these small bouquets were carried to mask unpleasant orders of the day, but they also evolved into a way to subtlety communicate with say….. a boy you like. Normally we'd start by punching a hole through the middle of a doily to place our material through, but today we'll wrapped and hold them together with this lace ribbon."

Heather pulled out two-feet from the reel and cut it. "Begin by choosing a single flower to be your centerpiece; a rose is a popular choice for its meaning of love." Reaching over to a long-stemmed white rose, Heather then cut the stem to about six inches and stripped the leaves. "From here, we fill around the main flower with smaller ones like pansies, daisies, chrysanthemums, zinnias. This is also a good time to add sprigs of herbs like rosemary or lavender."

Gathering several small red chrysanthemums and branches of flowering lavender, she continued. "To help fill it out and finish it off, take some baby's breath and large leaves to encircle the flowers. Holding it tightly together, wrap the stems together using floral tape, this secures your tussie mussie."

Nicole handed a piece of tape to Heather. Once she finished wrapping the bundle she took the lace ribbon and tied it around the bouquet in a bow allowing the ends to dangle. "And there you have it, very simple and absolutely charming bouquet." She smiled as the girls ran to quickly make one or two to take home.

Not long after the demo, the doorbell started ringing with parents arriving to pick up their daughters. Heather stood at the front door and politely chatting with the younger mothers. Hearing the various women talk about their families and lives sparked Heather's flight of fancy. It was the usual _what if_ internal dialog that came more often than not. What would Zoe be doing at this stage in her life? Would she be married with additional children? Would Zoe have forgiven her for reporting that predator therapist that got her baby girl pregnant? What, what, what?

There were no answers and never will be, because all those possibilities died in the barren desert along with Heather's only child.

With the last of the guest gone, Brittany and Nicole stayed behind to help Heather clean up. It was a long day getting set up for the party, but the work was made easier with the additional hands. Nicole and Allison cleaned up in the kitchen, while Brittany helped Heather in the atrium.

The ringing of the doorbell moved Brittany to say, "I'll get it. One of the girls probably forgot something."

"Thank you dear and I'll finish up in here if you want to lend your sister a hand."

"Sure thing." Brittany said before hurrying out. A couple of minutes later she came back and announced, "Heather, there's a gentleman here to see you."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3 - It's Always Tea Time

_**Chapter Three - It's Always Tea Time**_

Walking through the house, Gil felt a familiar comfortableness despite the vast span of time that had elapsed since he last visit. It's true physical times flies, but not the time imprinted on one's heart. Had it really been seven years? That sounded like a lifetime ago, although fond memories made it seem like only last week. Smiling to himself as the term seven-year itch came to mind, but this was no itch to scratch and then forget. Besides, Heather was never an itch; she was an aspiration he miserably failed at.

Arriving at the threshold of the garden atrium, Gil's first glimpse of the ever-enchanting lady pleasantly surprised him. In the mist of heavenly scented flowers and fauna the always-calm Heather was busy straightening up. Collecting flowers from various vases and combining them into one, her movements flowed as smoothly as a warm Caribbean wave. It was probably the brightly colored summer dress she wore, that reminded him of that region of the world. Instead of wearing her usual dark-colored formal attire, she had on a willowy vivid green dress with swirls of soft yellow all about.

From the doorway Brittney's voice said, "Heather there's a gentleman here to see you."

Turning around to see whom it was, Heather was momentarily started at his presences. "Gil." His name left her lips in a breathless manner and most definitely without permission.

She had no expectations he would show up today, even though inwardly she did carry the slightest of hopes. Left speechless as she evaluated his appearance, there was so much to take in that was different. Loose gray curls framed his clean-shaven face and tumbled down past his shirt collar. His face and arms had a healthy color courtesy of the sun's caressing. Absent of a customary jacket, he wore a terra cotta colored, silk island shirt. The lightweight fabric showed a leaner body void of that extra weight he always carried. Completing the transformation from contemplative, brooding Grissom to laid back, effervescent Gil was ivory linen pants and Italian loafers.

If pressed to put a name to what she was admiring, Heather would say, sublime.

Clutching a picture frame Gil slightly bowed his head, "Heather, please forgive my extreme tardiness." Raising his head back up, sapphire eyes sparkled in an explanation of, "I've been away and just now found your letter. I came as quickly as I could, but I guess I missed the birthday girl."

"No not at all, she's in the kitchen with Jerome's other daughter Nicole cleaning up. Come, let me introduce you."

Walking over to him, Heather intertwined her arm into Gil's and they casually walked to the other end of the house. "So where have you been this time?" She asked.

"I've been in Calgary most of the summer teaching and returned home mere hours ago."

"Mmmm, Canada is an idea place to go and escape our summer heat." Leaning into him as they walked, Heather's nose was treated to an atypical treat. He actual had on cologne, a tantalizing fragrance of spicy cedar wood with a nice dollop of vanilla.

"Yes, and the surrounding scenery was absolutely beautiful. The day I arrived they were having a June snow shower, but the rest of the time the weather was mild. My only complaint would be how many windy days they have. Gust of 40 miles per hour made for a challenging time during the outdoor training portion of the class."

Patting his arm with her hand, "I'm sure you prevailed no matter what the weather threw at you." Arriving at the kitchen, Heather called out, "Allison, there's someone I like you to meet." Letting go of his arm when her granddaughter walked up to them, Heather made introductions. "This is my friend Dr. Grissom, Gil this is my granddaughter Allison."

"Hello." Being a tad shy, her hands played with a string of faux crystal beads that hung down past her waist.

"Hello and happy birthday Allison. I apologize for missing your party, but I've been out of town and because of that, I didn't have a chance to go shopping. I didn't want to come empty handed, so this is for you." Gil took a step and turned over the frame he carried. Presenting it, he said, "You were this old," lowering his palm down to the height of his knees, "when I first met you. I remember your dress had butterflies on it, I hope you still like them."

Little hands took hold of the 16 x 20 frame. "Wow, they're beautiful, thank you."

Pointing with a finger, Gil explained, "These are Monarch butterflies and the map shows their migratory routes. The orange arrows indicate their fall trek down to Mexico, notice how they funnel into Texas and then continue on in mass. The green ones show how they return from Mexico in the spring and spread out across North America. The Monarch is the only insect known to fly thousands of miles each year. Their story is truly one of the wonders of nature."

Looking up at her grandmother, Allison said, "Do you think Papa will let me hang it up in my bedroom?"

Clasping hands together in front of her, Heather said, "I'm sure he would love to hang it up for you, it a beautiful piece of artwork." Looking over at Gil she raised an eyebrow while adding, "It's obvious from all the attention to the fine details that the artist poured his love into his work. You should be proud to display it my dear."

At hearing Heather speak favorably about his handiwork, he felt warmth spread across his cheeks. Placing his hands in his pant pockets, he wasn't ashamed to bask in such fine praise; rather he smiled and enjoyed the moment. Gil was indeed proud of the depiction he had made for his mother decades ago and very happy he could pass it on to someone else to enjoy.

Heather had more to add, "Sweetheart, that would make a wonderful topic to research, how and why the Monarch butterfly travels such a vast distant and then give a presentation on it at school this coming year."

With excitement in her voice, Allison added, "Yeah and I can bring this with to show everybody."

"As long as you take good care of it, I hate to see it get ruined. Better yet, you can make one just like it to take and keep this one safely at home." Heather smiled when she saw the seed she had just planted in Allison take root.

"That would be cool, but how do you catch butterflies?" Allison tilted her head at her question.

Mimicking her granddaughter, Heather tilted her head, "I'm sure Mr. Grissom has some tricks up his sleeve that he can share when the time comes."

"Yes, it would be my pleasure. Perhaps in exchange, your grandmother would be kind enough to help me pick out a proper birthday gift for you. Your official birthday is tomorrow, correct?"

Heather gave him a queer look, "How did you know that?"

A sly smirk preceded his answer. "I remember reading it in a book once."

Allison took her gift and went over to show Nicole over by the sink. Left alone, the two friends looked at each other, recalling that particular time and the painful event that caused their paths to cross yet again.

Brushing away the memory of the night she totally lost control, Heather inquired, "Are you hungry? I have plenty of food left over."

Pursing his lips before deciding on an answer. "No that's alright, I don't want to be a bother."

"Nonsense," Heather walked past him to the refrigerator, "You came all the way over here, let me fix you a plate. Besides, I owe you a piece of cake and some tea."

"Well, if you insist." Gil walked over and stood on the other side of the island from Heather. As she placed finger sandwiches on a plate, he studied her appearance. Her hair was lighter in tone, which greatly soften her expression. Age had only etched lines near her eyes and mouth, but overall her skin was still smooth and supple. The color of her dress brought out the green tones in her hazel eyes. And her lips were still their lovely selves, looking especially luscious today under a dark peachy hue of lipstick.

Since their first meeting, he found Heather to be beautiful, but today that beauty was magnified from an internal mellowness. Yes, the evidence was crystal clear, an inner peace had graced her life and no doubt it was the results of a special little girl.

"Tomato spear?"

Her voice broke his dreamlike gaze. "Yes, please."

Pouring a tall glass of ice tea, she asked, "Lemon?"

"Yes, but no sugar." He waited to see which way her reaction would go. Heather's genuine smile indicated a sense of humor over a certain incident. Perhaps she had finally forgiven him.

"Let's retire to the breakfast nook where it's a little quieter." She picked up a serving tray and led the way. After setting the table with his plate and two glasses of tea, she then pulled out the wrought iron chair for her guest.

"Thank you." The softness in Gil's voice referred to the meal and her absolution. He waited until she was seated before lowering into the opposite chair. Opening up the napkin and placing it on his lap, he casually asked, "How is your practice going?"

Settling back against the chair, Heather gave him the update. "Exceptionally well thank you asking. Like my previous business, word of mouth keeps bringing new clients to my door constantly. Interestingly enough, the majority of clients this time around are women as opposed to the men that frequented these walls before." A small gesture with her hand was elegantly added.

"I ran the numbers not long ago and found out sixty-five percent of my sessions are made up of women. The majority come seeking the key to unlock the confident diva that has been forced into hiding for a variety of reasons. Not just in the bedroom though, that is merely a secondary aftereffect after these women reclaim their power without the guilt. Although, I would be hard press to say that their confidence in the bedroom isn't actually the more rewarding aspect of their lives, from time to time." She ended with a cat-like smirked.

Gil lifted the tomato spear and causally said, "There's no denying, confidence is sexy."

Heather held his gaze while he ate the cherry tomato. "That applies to both men and women. Wouldn't you agree?"

He waited until his mouth was clear to answer. "Yes, and I would add a confident individual doesn't bring excessive amount of baggage into a relationship. A woman like that is especially appealing to a man that rather not live in a daily soap opera. Not only is the constant drama extremely taxing mentally and emotionally, but it slowly erodes away at the person physically." Placing the mozzarella ball in his mouth, his lips closed around it and slid it off the spear.

"You're referring to stress?" Heather waited again as he finished eating the cheese ball.

"Yes. It's well documented that stress leads to all sorts of health problems. Just look at the aspirin section in the drug store; it looks like a candy store with all the different colored boxes of pills lining the shelves. Headaches are only the tip of the iceberg, followed by high blood pressure, ulcers, strokes, heart attacks just to name a few."

"Stress certainly eats away at a person from the inside out. Take my male cliental who are stressed over erectile dysfunction; they are actually doubling down on their stress. Once I get them to open up about their lives, job stress more often than not, is the culprit. Unfortunately, by the time they come to me, their list of coping mechanisms is long. Everything from drinking, smoking, drugs legal and non-legal, and very poor eating habits. They're so messed up on the inside that they turn to big pharma, which happily comes to the rescue with their little blue pill." Heather's eyebrow rose.

"It's far easier to swallow the blue pill of illusion and stay blissfully ignorant, than to take the red pill of truth which is always painful." The smart-alecky smile he gave before taking a drink of ice tea was pure Grissom.

"Most of my life, in one way or another, has been spent offering the red pill to those seeking answers. The truth is," she paused to pout for a moment, "I can tell them there's a pill, I can show them the pill, I can even put the pill into their hand, but in the end it's up to the individual to swallow the red pill of truth…..or not."

Heather leaned forward from the chair to pick up the glass of ice tea while sassily asking, "How's Sara?" Taking a sip, she looked up over the rim of the glass at Gil.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4 - Red or Blue

_**Chapter Four – Red or Blue**_

Gil brought his napkin up to his mouth and sighed. It wasn't that he wanted to hide the fact that he was now divorced, but he still wasn't sure if he was ready for Heather's biting commentary. Looking down at his empty plate among the crumbs were two invisible pills. Clearing his throat and swallowing down what he had been avoiding, he finally answered, "I wouldn't know."

She regarded him for a long moment. "Ready for your cake?" Heather asked with a tinge of mirth in her tone.

Looking back up, "Yes, I would love a piece." His mouth didn't turn upward in a smirk, but the rest of his expression did.

"I'll be right back." Gracefully Heather stood up, collected his plate and went back into the kitchen. Shaking her head, she thought, _We're at it again_. _For a man that is so reserved, he certainly can double innuendo with the best of them._

The registered sex therapist found it rather enticing the way Gil flirted. Unlike many men who came across as crude, he was more playful and hinted at a naughty side deep down. After all these years and the taxing events that drove them apart, there was still that smoldering ember between them. Neither could claim innocent in their lengthy ebb and flow relationship as each had taken their turn at blowing out the persistent cinders, instead of fanning the flames into wildfire, which it effortlessly could've become.

In the kitchen, Heather noticed the girls had finished cleaning up and started the dishwasher for her. Continuing to the front parlor, she found them sitting and looking at some of Allison's presents. "Are you two ready to leave?"

Brittany spoke first, "I can stay if there's anything else you need help with."

"No, you have been a great help all day and I'm sure you want to get home now."

"Tom will be watching baseball until at least seven, so I'm free for another hour or so." Brittany said of her fiancé.

Heather motion with a hand _No_, while saying, "Do take some food home to him, there's still plenty left."

"You know Tom, if it isn't mostly caveman food he won't touch it." Brittany replied.

Heather nodded at that common bit of information. "Nicole what about you?"

"Thank you Heather, but Mom has the refrigerator already packed full with food for tomorrow nights dinner."

The two young ladies got up and hugged Heather goodbye. After seeing the aunts to the door and on their way home, Heather turned around to Allison. "I'm going to visit with Mr. Grissom for a while longer if that's alright?"

"Sure. May I go upstairs to use my gift cards?"

"Yes, but no explicit songs. I'll come and get you when it's time to make the pizza for our movie."

"Yes grandma." Gathering up her gift cards, Allison ran up the stairs to her room to downloaded songs to her iPod shuffle.

Returning to the breakfast nook with a slice of cake and a carafe of ice tea, Heather said, "Here you go." Sitting back down she explained, "Sorry for the delay, I wanted to say thank you again to Jerome's daughters before they left."

Heather topped off Gil's tea while adding, "They have been a great help in raising Allison, always ready to lend a hand or babysit. Brittany, his oldest is getting married this fall, while Nicole it seems has a new man every month. They're fantastic, sweet and caring girls. Jerome and his wife Lisa are very lucky to have such wonderful daughters."

"It warms my heart to hear things have worked out between you two. So often it seemed no one has good news to share anymore." Gil mentioned, before going back to eating his cake.

"Have you heard from Catherine lately?"

Waving a forkful of cake in the air, "Seems I'm relegated to merely a yearly Christmas card."

"That's a shame seeing how close you two were for all those years."

Gil sighed at the first causality to his choices. "Yes we were close until, well it's entirely my fault, so I'm not surprised. _Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap._"

"What did you sow with Ms. Willows?"

"Hmmm, it's not a time I'm proud of. I wasn't a very good friend to her friendship. I forsaken it and pushed her away along with many other people. Last I heard she wasn't happy with the FBI. Another example of the grass isn't always greener and the political aspect there is actually worse then it ever was here."

"And her daughter?"

"Still a handful."

"Sorry to hear that, I remember how she lit up when speaking of her."

"On the topic of daughters, Jim Brass retired last year to take the time to mend fences with his daughter."

Heather pushed her hair off her front shoulder, "I always liked Captain Brass even though he didn't like me much. He had a dry wit that I adored. Too bad life hardened him so."

Gil nodded his head and made a mental note to call Jim to see how he was doing.

Heather's index finger played with the condensation on her ice tea glass. "Is your situation a recent development?"

Finishing the last piece of cake, Gil took a sip of tea to clear his mouth. "No." Being on the receiving end of ex-Dom's unyielding and piercing look, he relented. "We divorced two years ago."

"And _yet,_ you never mentioned it in any of your letters."

Gil sat firmly back in the chair, allowing the metal scrolls to imprint upon his back the long overdue lashing. Facing her green eyes of inquisition he said, "I wanted my correspondences to be inspirative…show you through words all the fantastic sights I was seeing and the cultures I was experiencing." He paused before adding, "I didn't want you to surmise I was crying on your shoulder. And…..I wasn't ready to hear _I told you so_."

Sarcastically Heather came back with, "Thank you for relieving me of that burden." Taking the time to cross her legs in the opposite direction. "Based on our past conversations, I don't think it necessary. However, by implementing _Quod licet Iovi, non licet bovi,_ you have given your ulterior motive away."

Gil squirmed slightly as he tried to brush off her accusation. "I don't see how my writing or not writing acting as a God."

"And _yet_ you went through the trouble to include, in a boastful way, that you retired and got married."

"I merely thought you would like to know that I did indeed made a decision."

Heather guffawed at his feeble attempt to explain away his double standards. "Interesting justification even for you. My dear Gil, playing the socially inept card is beneath you. Every man knows writing to another woman on their Paris honeymoon is a clear indicator of trouble in paradise."

A light shrugged fain innocent, which was clearly a lie. "What can I say, walking the streets of Paris reminded me of you. You're a knowledgeable anthropologist, I could clearly picture you taking in the sights, the sounds, the food and historic museums."

Shaking her head while he explained away what was painfully obvious. "I don't think you need a therapist to tell you," Heather paused to make sure he wasn't tuning her out. "You wouldn't have time to think about me or any other woman if you were actually enjoying the company of your wife."

He shrugged.

Turning her head to look out the window, Heather weighed her options. She could drop the whole topic and let him pretend it was nothing. Or she could place the red pill into his hand once again.

Looking back into his tense fill blue eyes, she said, "Gil, if it helps in processing what you were trying to prove to yourself and to everyone around you, statistics were never on your side to begin with. Forty to fifty percent of all first time marriages end in divorce within thirteen years, and these are couples that proclaimed to being intensely in love when they say I do. In addition, fifty percent of all couples who cohabitate before marriage, split up within five years. How long were you married?"

Softly he answered, "Four and a half years."

"And what was the deal breaker? No," holding up her hand, "don't answer, let me guess."

Heather drew out the wait to watch his body language. She knew what the deal breaker was because it showed up on her doorstep one day along with Dr. Langston. She found Sara to be judgmental and close-minded as ever, while still walking around with the same chip on her shoulder. Winning the prize didn't mellow her attitude, but it did flip the power in their constrained relationship. Actually Heather was impressed he lasted three years longer than she envisioned. Just because she was once a Dominatrix didn't mean she was cruel, but he brought this upon himself and watching his body tense up was justified. It was only a small penance of a greater one he owed her.

She had told him that apologies were just words, but Gil never offered an atonement that equaled the emotional hurt he brought upon her. If he had, the last twelve years would have been written differently.

Coldly she said, "Resentment."

Gil quirked his head, "You're very good at what you do."

"So I'm told." Heather wickedly smiled while reaching for her tea. After taking a few swallows and letting him absorb the nun-like slap to the wrist, she changed the mood to one more upbeat. "If you were serious about shopping for a gift for Allison and if you're free tomorrow afternoon, why don't you come with us to the mall. It would be a nice opportunity to get to know her and experience me in a whole different role. It's one you have never seen before, then if you're not disappointed, you're welcome to join me for dinner at Jerome's. Surely after being out of town for so long, a home cooked meal must sound good."

He didn't need to think if anything was planned for Monday, because anything else would pale in comparison. "When do you require me to pick you lovely ladies up?"

TBC


	5. Chapter 5 - Swallowing the Red Pill

**Chapter Five - Swallowing a Red Pill**

Getting comfortable in bed with a glass of bourbon in hand, Gil turned on the TV. The Science channel played as background noise, while he relived the past couple of hours. He was thrilled to see Heather again in person, converse over tea and be invited back. Her mood was one of happiness, a clear conformation of what he had perceived in her letters over the years. Things being what they were, it would be difficult to image her not finding inner peace again.

That precious commodity had been taken from her by Jacob Sneller, and then by the court system. But Gil did what he could to bring it back to her doorstep. He had to because he would do anything for the woman that was his soul mate.

After thirty years on the job he had seen many horrors, but Gil still couldn't appreciate the depth of grief and rage Heather had gone through knowing her only child was experimented on, tortured and died at the hands of Sneller. His comprehension of loosing a loved one violently hit closer to his heart while grieving Warrick's death, but fell short due to the lack of a blood bond. He got a little closer when his mother died the previous year, but still in that parent-child scenario, he was the child, not the parent that gave the other life.

Sipping at the distilled spirit, Gil's mind started down a path he never liked to travel. Sure, there were many times he contemplated why he was alone, but then found something else to focus on. Total introspection is a hard pill to swallow. This evening Heather's words repeated over and over again in his head….

_What were you trying to prove to yourself and perhaps everyone around you?_

_What were you trying to prove to yourself?_

_What were you trying to prove?_

_What were you trying?_

_What? What? What?_

Living in an apartment he didn't like. Surrounded by a mess that he had created. Having a life that wasn't as fulfilling as it could be if he wasn't such a fucking, self-centered coward - it was time. If he wanted to move forward into a better tomorrow, then it was time to take the pill of truth and admit to himself all the whats.

Where to start?

Hell it really started by being an only child; although it wasn't his doing, it still shaped the foundation to his character and personality. Never being dethroned by another sibling, young Gil grew up to the theme of feeling special and privilege. Having his parent's attention, love, energy and time all to himself meant there was no sharing or reasons to compromise. With no intrusion from a brother or sister, critical emotional and social interactions useful for future relationships weren't fully learned. Once his father died, a new isolation took hold and pre-adolescent Gil grew quite comfortable living in his own head, in his own space, and in a silent home due to his mother's deafness. With ASL being the prominent conversation tool with his mother, the use of subtle non-verbal communication into his delivery was strengthened. Individuals who were good at reading body language definitely had better luck conversing and understanding him.

As a young adult, he didn't seek out the company of the female persuasion; he didn't have to since they came to him. First attracted by his good looks, they soon saw a challenge in taming the budding eccentric scientist. None succeeded in cracking his selfish tendencies and soon grew tired of the whole game. The college girlfriend that lasted the longest Gail always lost out to his precious little piglets. It didn't matter how much money he won at the poker table, once his piggy fix was quenched there wasn't much left over for dates. And his time, hell those piggies won the majority of that too.

Getting up from bed to refill his glass, Gil thought about the first woman he had great chemistry with, Julia. He met the deaf dynamo a few months after his mother moved to Vegas and took a part-time job teaching art at the deaf school. Mom didn't need to work, but it offered the best opportunity to met new people, stay active and enjoy the golden years of life doing something other than playing bingo at the casinos.

Playing matchmaker, Betty Grissom introduced her son to the then Assistant Director of Deaf Cultural studies Julia Holden. There was an instant connection with the beautiful, smart and sassy Julia who was also fiercely independent. She knew what she wanted in life and wasn't afraid to go after it. Like his mother, Julia's deafness didn't slow or curb her ambitions; instead it invigorated her and drew Gil in. She was adventurous, fearless and loved rollercoasters even more than he did. Their communications were honest and to the point as sign language had a way of filtering out all unnecessary bullshit chatter. In Julia, he felt emotions that unnerved him and he didn't like the feeling of not being in control of them. But on the other hand, what stirred inside of him had the quality of being addicting so he frugally indulged.

Pouring more bourbon into the glass, Gil smiled at the memory of standing under a waterfall with Julia after making love outdoors. They had gone out of town for a weekend to go hiking and bug collecting. Hot and dirty, they swam out to allow the raining water to cool and clean them. Watching Julia enjoying the waterfall drench her was hypnotic. Their yearlong love affair burned hot despite his working the graveyard shift and the butterflies he felt for her.

Betty had secretly looked forward to a wedding and grandchildren, but Gil's inherent selfishness pushed those hopes off the rails. Towards the end, Julia had given him three chances to demonstrate life with CSI Grissom wouldn't be one where he was never around unless it suited his fancy. At the time Gil couldn't see or understand how a committed relationship had to work for both people, not just one. He loved Julia, but it wasn't in the way most women would put up with or be moved to create a family with. The relationship worked for Gil, but not for Julia, she required more. It was painful when she walked away, because he couldn't comprehend why. He said he loved her, what more was there?

It was shortly after his divorce was finalized that Gil's mother she threw a small party. She had never given up the hope of seeing them together, so this party was an opportunity to ignite that old flame. Although it was great to see Julia again, time had eroded what was once a special connection. Perhaps it was because he was still bitter and cynical from the divorce or perhaps Julia was still bitter about their past and what could have been. Most likely it was both, so there was no chance of catching lighting twice.

Gil casually dated when a confident, beautiful woman would cross his path and he'd be drawn in again. But now he did so vaguely aware these types of women wouldn't put up with his workaholic life for very long. Terry Miller was a perfect example of - not very long. Getting the nerve up to ask out the stunning and highly accomplished forensic anthropologist, he blew it before they could finish their first drink. Gil had prodded her to postpone going to her next job so they could have dinner together. Terry relented and pushed her work to the backburner only to get burned by Gil pushing his work to the forefront. He could have easily had a junior CSI keep tract and document the insect activity for him while he enjoyed a rare date, but no, he had to be an ass do it all himself.

Squirming in bed, Gil swallowed down his flawed dating practices and fast-forward to meeting Heather, another woman he was instantly drawn to. Unlike Terry's polite leaving him without making a fuss, he sensed the exotic Dominatrix would surely handle the same situation in a much harsher way. Fear made the forensic insect specialist chickened out the first time they met. A year later and another case gave him a second chance. Heather effortlessly read him again, pulled him into her aura and this time he couldn't resist. She intuitively understood him on so many levels that it was incredible and so was the lovemaking they engaged in.

It was mid-afternoon when they sat down for tea, the afterglow still thick in their eyes and actions. Heather sat back and admired how he serve the tea she prepared for them, ready to discuss when they could see each other again. A polite question, an innocent answer and instantly Gil's work invaded the tranquil bliss in the sunroom. In the crux of the moment, he was unable to trust himself the way Heather had.

The whole situation could have been a non-event if he just slowed down and asked her some questions. Instead, he quickly doubted his own judgment, panicked and called Brass. He didn't have to say stop, pause would have been acceptable in that situation along with asking permission to take her insulin, instead of calling for a warrant. Police ask people all the time to freely give them potential evidence, take a lie detector test or allow a sample of their DNA. Law enforcement also asks about a person's alibi and checks it out before hauling potential suspects to the clink. What was he so afraid of that he by past normal protocol?

He did apologize to Heather for doubting her, what more did she want?

Sweet, funny, unflappable and gorgeous Sofia could have been a game changer. Like Julia, she knew what she wanted and didn't allow life's setbacks to get in her way. In the short months they worked together, he experienced a copacetic partnership with the blonde spitfire and enjoyed going to work for more than the job itself. Ms. Curtis brought a ray of sunshine into the middle of the night along with a smile to Gil's face and a laugh to his belly. Ecklie's mean spirited action gave them the means to forge a bond. Their banter was fun, conversations interesting, dinner romantic, but her career path came first. He understood and respected the need to put career first, as that was how he lived his life. The mutual attraction and interest was there, but the timing and circumstances were not. Gil would always treasure the hugged they shared before she left for Boulder City and her long awaited career as a Detective.

Fate being an evil bitch, dealt a cruel hand to him when Nick was kidnapped and almost killed. Crammed into a time frame of thirty-odd hours, Gil's mettle was severely tested. From having to watch Nick suffer in a coffin to witnessing Walter Gordon blow himself up and almost taking Gil with as collateral damage spooked him to the core. But he bucked up to help figure out where Nick was and finally pull him to safety.

With Nick and everybody else on their way to the hospital, Gil sat in his car and reflected on almost dying or being seriously injured himself. Exhausted emotional and mentally he needed a verbal hug, so he reached for his phone and to the person who could give it. He reached out to the one person who hadn't been caught up in the hunt, the woman who was as even keel as he normally was.

Before entering the hospital to see Nick and join the rest of the teams, he made a second call and left another message. Hearing the recorded voice again only intensified the yearning to connect with the person who could instill the strength that had been zapped from him. Although he didn't get to talk to Sofia, the recording of her sweet voice was able to place a bandage over his hemorrhaging psyche.

Walking into the hospital room, he saw a resting Nick, but the poor guy was beaten up with hundreds of stinging ant bites and only God knew what wounds were inside. Gil felt horrible and helpless that he couldn't protect one of his guys. Exhausted from the whole ordeal, he exited the hospital to find Sara waiting. She prodded, pressed and urged to go with her to get a bite to eat and a drink to relax. In a moment of weakness and selfishness, he reluctantly accepted the comfort offered. It was wrong on so many levels, and so was not rebuffing the liqueur induced parting kiss. It didn't matter he told himself, because like all the others, she too would tire of his inability to be all she wanted him to be.

Alas, a couple of days later the call he had been eager for came when Sofia was finally free from her undercover assignment. But by then it was too late. Instead of giving himself over to her comforting words and furthering their alliance, Gil withdrew and switched his intensions. He told her of Nick's ordeal and that was all. If Sofia hadn't left when she did. If she had answered the damn phone in the first place. If she had called him back right away, chances were great that he wouldn't be in this crappy apartment drinking alone in bed. Gil was sure of that.

By the time Sofia did come back to town, it was too late. He was well aware he couldn't be the one to end the entanglement with Sara. He didn't dare provoke any sort of retaliation from a jilted lover and disgruntled underling. He crossed a line and couldn't afford the repercussions to his image, or career if she blabbed about it at work. So he waited, it was his only option seeing the submissive was actually the one in control.

As the wait became longer, the more Gil had to push people away out of fear they would find out what he was hiding. As the months piled up, he was unable to get off the rollercoaster he boarded, so he surrendered to it and went along for the ride. It was a bumpy and one he wouldn't have chosen, but one he had to wait to stop on it's own.

The ride came crashing around him when mousey, psychotic Natalie took out her revenge on him for her father's death. Being overlooked as a no body at the crime lab, Natalie uncovered what the best criminalist in town couldn't and gleefully exposed Gil's hypocrisy and double standards.

_Damn that Natalie_, Gil thought, _she ruined everything_. Almost two years into their unorthodox relationship, he fell into a comfortable position where he called all the shots both on and off the clock. Unlike the women before who had grown tired of his limited participation, Sara was an enabler to his personality and behavior. She had the bar so low, lower than a dung beetle tunnel for him and their arrangement. Gil had free range to do what he wanted, when he wanted, period and without discussion.

Natalie's bold actions shinned a spotlight on his secret life, the one that was suppose to be above reproach, as he would tell his team, especially Catherine, over and over again. So when the day came and everyone around looked at him for an explanation, there was only one. Faced with all the stereotypes about their involvement, he set out to prove to himself and to those around him that wasn't the case.

_What were you trying to prove to yourself? _

_What were you trying to prove perhaps everyone around you?_

Gil softly answered into any empty glass, "That it was love and I was capable of it."

_TBC_


	6. Chapter 6 - Tangled Memories

**Chapter Six – Tangled Memories**

One-on-one bonding with her granddaughter kept Heather's mind occupied for the rest of that Sunday. She even paid attention during the movies, in order to keep up with any comments the child next to her made. Tucking Allison into bed with wishes of sweet dreams, Heather turned off the room lights and retired to her own bedroom. After changing into a long, silky sleep shirt and brushing her teeth, she sat down at the makeup vanity. Deliberate and rhythmic strokes of the brush through her hair encouraged the Zen-like ritual to get her to unwind from the day's busy activities. Looking beyond her reflection in the mirror, the calmness of the room opened her minds eye to a long ago image and a feeling she could never shake.

It wasn't a single memory, but in fact many memories interwoven like a tangled fishing net. Compelled by her heart, Heather waded out into the preverbal ocean of emotions, firmly grasped the net and started to untangle the complicated past.

The first knot to be worked on was the last time she had actually seen Gil. Recalling that stormy night and the cold rain that poured down on the thirsty desert, she sat in front of the fireplace reading a book. Sleep had become a stubborn venture ever since switching careers and sleep patterns. The in-between hours when the sun shown itself, was the time frame she had run her successful business, but now it offered a time to indulge in the great works of literature. The warm caress from the boxed in flames provided enough heat to the areas of skin not shield by the black negligée.

For Heather it didn't feel like seven years ago, but it was. The image of Gil standing on her porch was not only etched in her mind, but also upon her heart. He stood there like a lost puppy waiting to be saved from the encroaching euthanasia needle.

Somewhere within his genus perception, Gil calculated that she owed him, for he had saved her life twice. Unfortunately in his haste and in the wee hours of the night he forgot she never went to him, or even asked to be saved. He did so without her consent.

Sitting alone on the eve of Allison's tenth birthday, Heather could freely admit how extremely grateful she is for his persistence and intervening back then. Regrettably, what he wanted from her on that gloomy night wasn't on the same level. Gil had already made his decision and it didn't involve physical life or death, although for him it most likely did. She did pointed out his non-decision was in fact his decision to end it, but there was more behind his somber exterior. What he actually came for and what he really wanted from her, was to sanction that decision. He was looking for an excuse outside of himself to finally say to Sara, it's over. But also on an unconscious level Gil wanted the ultimate justification, another woman in his life – Heather.

She would have done anything in the world for him, but she wouldn't do that. It pained her to withhold that endorsement, because it was the correct one. What she did do for him thou was place the red pill of truth between his lips. If he was ever going to move forward, it was imperative Gil recognize why he entered into an awkward involvement and why he stayed in it as long as he did. In good conscious, she couldn't deprive him of the potential growth that would come if he did so.

What she found interesting was his refusal to diagnose the true essences of his non-decision. He carried in his back pocket a hidden desire not to be seen as the bad guy in the eyes of co-workers, but instead as a martyr. He dutifully wore the ultimate heartbreak along with his ever-present jacket, the groom abandoned at the altar, not once but twice. The longer he suffered as the forsaken lover, the more it proved his motives and feelings were authentic. It also legitimatized the inceptive action when he took advantage of his position and authority.

Setting the brush down, Heather shook her head at the irony. For a man that didn't like complications in his life, Gil took on the most arduous entanglement of all. Being far from stupid or naive, perhaps he tendency to compartmentalize aspects of his life shielded him to all the obvious complexes that were in play. A who's-who dirty laundry list of syndromes; Electra, teacher-student, boss-subordinate and hero-worship. They all had tentacles weaving themselves into the ill-advised relationship. _Good Lord_, Heather thought, _I could've written my thesis on the pair._

Getting up she walked over to the window she reflected on the second time Gil had disappointed her. She lay in the hospital room fatigued and light-headed from her hired attack. Despite her weak and foggy condition, she quickly ascertained he was secretly involved with the younger subordinate before her. She hoped what she read between them was wrong, but when the girl left and it was just the two of them, she asked. The true answer came as Gil's body language stiffened and he quickly deflected the question. The embarrassed anxiety that etched his face caused her to question her own comprehension of who he actually was. The bookish man she had known was certainly above cliché hook-ups, or so she thought.

Pulling close the drapes, Heather climbed into bed and turned off the table light. Relaxing into the pillows another night twelve years earlier was withdrawn from the tangled net. This was a happier memory of him and of them.

She recalled leading Gil up the stairs to the third floor of the Dominion. He had returned to talk about one of her clients, but never once in the methodical climb up the stairs did he question where they were going or why. He didn't have to since they were preforming a dance of overture, while slowly leaving the business part below. Their accession to the private quarters of the mansion prepared their minds and bodies for the enlightenment to come.

The lower levels of the mansion would permeate from a primal pungency that came from her unique business, while the serene upstairs always had a sweetly intoxicating fragrance. While lighting the white candles, she cast the intent of purity and truth between them. With the stage set she came into his space. Gil didn't ask permission to touch her and she didn't demand it.

The touch of his palm to the left side of her head caused her eyes to close in compliance. A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as his hand swept slowly and gently downward, a thumb brushing her jawline. Heather opened her eyes to a sea of mixed emotions. Should she let him in or not? Should she be the giver or taker? Should she be the master or the slave?

A part of her wanted to be treated like a queen without having to crack a whip to get it. Gil wanted to be the one to give her what she sincerely deserved, a man who was genuine, confident and purely compassionate.

Quickly and more self-assured, he raised both hands to captured her head. His deep blue eyes asked for permission to know her, to love her and to be loved. The way he communicated without words was fascinating and drew her into his deeply guarded world. Deliberately raising her head to position waiting lips for the inception of something beautiful, he softly said, "You can always say stop."

Heather thought for a moment and searched his soul, looking for the trust that was so hard to find in a man. She desperately wanted to loose her balance with him, in him. But she had to be cautious, she had to be smart, she had to hold on to her power that could effortlessly slip from her grasp. "So can you," she said back as a challenge.

Behind those three words were the questions - _Do you know what you are asking? Do you know this won't be a casual thing?_

His lips pursed and readied themselves to taste her lovely lips, but stopped to comprehend her response. Tilting her head downward he leaned in and placed a kiss upon her forehead. It was his way of saying he understood and accepted the conditions.

Taken aback but delighted by the gentlemanly deed, Heather smiled. Her hands simultaneously pressed onto his solid chest, palms feeling the slow steady beat of his heart. His right hand slid down to cup her chin and turn her face upward to meet his velvety lips. The kiss was tender, long and took her breath away at the control passion he demonstrated. Separating just enough Gil whispered, "Will you show me your domain?"

Her eyes fluttered opened to the sexy voice that rode the edge of being both dominating and submissive. "Certainly, come with me Mr. Grissom." Taking a step backward to turn, his hands seized hers and halted her retreat.

Keeping a firm hold he breathed out, "Please, call me Gil." Only then did he release his hold on her.

She bowed her eyes understanding his need to leave the job and formal titles behind. Looking back up she gave a smile and extended a hand to lead him further down the hall and into her bedroom.

Twisting the lock to keep the outside world out, Heather spun on her high-heeled boots and watched as Gil absorbed her private sanctuary. Unlike the rest of the mansion that held bold colors and hard edges, this room was feminine Victorian in both color and furniture. He made his way over to the two oversized wingback chairs in front of the fireplace. A hand glided over the teal colored crushed velvet, before continuing his tour. At the loveseat he gave a push to the tufted beige leather, at feeling the tautness of the billowy cushion his head tilted to the side with a thought.

Behind it sat the dominant feature in the room, a Queen Anne canopy bed. Walking to the side of the bed, his eyes measured the structure. Numerous pillows were arranged on the bed, all in a pale gold tone along with the silk comforter. The headboard was audacious in grander and covered in the same leather as the loveseat. Floating down each corner post was a pale steel-blue sheer fabric, which softened the masculine lines of the frame. Pulling the flimsy material aside to expose a twisted wooden post, levity accompanied his question, "Do you tie up all your partners?"

Slightly amused, Heather walked over to him, "Do you wish to be tied up?"

Letting the fabric fall from his fingers, he turned into her, "No, not this time."

His answer held the option of being open to dabbling in her world, just not tonight. Heather took a step closer and began to unbutton his coat. Sliding it off his shoulders she placed it over the arm of the loveseat. Reaching to unbutton his shirt, she inquired, "What do you wish…..this time?" An eyebrow rose as she waited.

One, two, three and at the forth button just above his belt, Gil took her hands into his with an answer of, "Only you." One at a time he lifted each hand up to place a kiss. Turning them over, he then kissed her palms, which sent a shiver up her arms. If she were the type to swoon, she would have right then, but that came later.

His hands slithered up her exposed arms, then along firm shoulders as his ardent eyes followed. Taking possession of Heather by his mere presence, Gil's spread fingers lightly touched her neck. His mouth hovered over hers, lips offering feathery touches, until he breathed out her name in a throaty whisper, "Heather."

Teasing lips barely brushed over hers building the desire between them. Pulling Heather closer with his left arm, he continued to caress her face and neck with his right hand. Gil tasted her lips, lower then upper and back to lower, experiencing their soft fullness between his own lips. Only when she whimpered from want did he slide his tongue into her impatient mouth. Heather sighed from the welcome intrusion and allowed him to fully indulged before flicking her tongue against his. Steadily their connection escalated, her hand fisted his shirt and the other gripped his soft curls.

Their kiss was all consuming causing bodies to crush together and yet he remained flaccid. She trailed a hand over his outer thigh and lingered there. Her touch triggered a rush of blood southward allowing her to feel the pulsating expansion of his manhood. A light groan told Heather much about what got him hot. It wasn't visual or cerebral stimulation, but touch and she meant to get him hotter. Releasing his shirt, her hand moved under to caress his chest.

A minute worth of skin upon skin and a woman's touch over his heart was all Gil could take. Withdrawing from their steamy kiss, he sucked in cool air, while his eyes half opened to see Heather's impish smirk. Seductively licking her bottom lip as a hand traveled across his thigh to palm the hardness of his erection. "Mmmmmm," she hummed at the impressive length under hand.

Coolly and casually, he untied the leather stands that tightly held closed her black lace bustier. As he continued to pull out the ties from their eyelets, Heather asked, "Do you wish to tie me up…...Gil?"

A smirk crossed his lips. "No, not at all."

She didn't think so based on his how he was enjoying what her hand was doing, skillfully stroking his erection.

Pulling the long leather tie free from the bustier, his large hands moved between the garments and cupped each breast. His mouth covered hers again with a new passion inciting moans from the Dominatrix. Kissing his way down to her neck, he paused long enough to sit on the arm of the loveseat, bringing him to a comfortable height to indulge on her plump bosoms. Heather kept him close, holding his head with her hands and gripping into his scalp each time a nipple was pinched.

From that point on their love affair was passionate, intense and romantic. Despite hardly knowing each other, it was if they had known each other forever. Void of any first time awkwardness, they moved perfectly in sync as they exposed their most guarded possession, their souls. She discovered the scientist possessed a tender and adorning touch, but was firm when needed. Putting aside his selfish gratification, Gil indulged her completely and lovingly, making sure she was utterly satisfied. When she introduced a vibrator into their sacred bed, his ego didn't get bruised. On the contrary, aspiring to learn something new and very intimate about this mysterious woman, Gil placed his hand over hers and participated in bringing forth her orgasm. At the same time, his finger circled the sensitive patch inside her and soon her whole body quivered in a breathtaking bliss as he looked on in wonderment.

Heather cherished the unabashed moans Gil made as she lay over him and kissed a path down his willing body. The way his fingers weaved through her long tresses as she descended further down gave the sensation of him brushing her hair. She took her time admiring his meaty package and strategically escalating her touch upon him. They didn't need those physical restraints that sat at the ready, because he willingly lay still to endure the sweet torture she bestowed on him. Heather grinned remembering his sweaty, agonized look each time she brought him to the edge of climax. How his guttural groans as she deep throated his entire length made her even wetter. Mostly she remembered the dreamy look on his handsome face when after building up the tension she led him into the promise land with an intensified climax.

Their copulation that followed was equally extraordinary as their prolonged foreplay. He was sweet and considerate while being dynamic. He made love to her completely, mind, body and unexpectedly in spirit. The sun was breaking on the horizon when they crawled under the feather-soft comforter exhausted and content from knowing each other. Cuddled in an embrace the last thing she remembered before succumbing to sleep was the cheery sound of the birds singing outside and Gil whispering something into her tousled hair.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7 - New Beginnings

**Chapter Seven - New Beginnings**

The deep tone of the doorbell echoed inside the stately mansion. Outside on the front porch, running footsteps could be heard against the wooden floor before the large door swung open revealing an out of breath girl. "Hello Allison and a very happy birthday to you."

"Good day Mister -" small shoulders rose then fell in frustration. "I'm sorry, I forgot your name."

The dimple in his chin became more pronounced as he stifled a smile while lifting up his sunglasses and nestling them on top of his head. "It's Grissom, but you may call me Gil." He then allowed a light smiled to brighten his face at the adorable girl.

"No I can't. Grandma says it's disrespectful to call adults by their first names."

"Ohhh." Slightly stumped by the formal rules, he compromised with, "We don't want to go against your grandmother's rules, so how about Mr. G." That sounded less formal than his full last name and too many people already refer to him like that.

"Okay, please come in Mr. G. grandma will be right down." Once he entered into the foyer, Allison added, "May I get you something to drink? We made sun tea this morning."

Charmed at the young girl's air of etiquette, Gil turned to say, "No thank you, I'm fine."

From the top of the stairs Heather's voice called down. "Allison, do you have your sweater?"

"No."

"Well come up and get it please. You know how cold they keep the mall and you needn't get sick."

Rolling her hazel eyes, "Yes, ma'am. Excuse me Mr. G." Allison slowly walked past him and when she reached the staircase proceeded to run up. At the first landing she swerved to the opposite side in order to avoid her grandmother.

Gil watched as Heather gracefully descended the stairs, even casually dressed she was an image of beauty. White jeans, a lavender cotton shirt and an amethyst duster sweater never looked so good on a woman that was going to turn fifty at years end. As she near the last step, he moved forward and offered a hand for her to take. "You've done very well at teaching Allison the finer points of social graces."

"Thank you and you're right on time," Heather said as she placed a hand into his waiting one for the last step down.

His fingers slightly tightened around her exquisite delicate hand. Skin touching skin flooded his body with a warm gooey sensation. "Afternoon traffic was kind to me today."

Not wanting to, but thinking it best, Heather let go of his hand after safely stepping down. "I suppose not many people go out for their lunch hour on Mondays, Friday yes, Mondays is back to the daily grind."

"That and it would have been ill-mannered of me to keep two enchanting ladies waiting on their chariot."

Circling around him, she gazed out the parlor room window for a better look at the car she viewed from upstairs. "I noticed your chariot has changed. What happened to the Benz? I thought it was your prized classic car."

"It was prized at a different time of my life, but it became old and started to require more work than I was willing to deal with. Actually there's an interesting story behind its final goodbye." Gil took a few steps towards Heather, but kept a cushion of space between them.

Clasping her hands in front of her, Heather asked, "As in mid-life crisis interesting?"

Keeping a poker face, he took a few moments to think how best to answer. "No, that didn't involve a car."

Having Gil admit to a typical life stage many men go through caused the ex-Dom to quirk her head. "Do tell."

Before he could, Allison quickly came down the stairs, the brightly colored purse slung across her body bounced with each step. Holding up her hand that carried a sweater she announced, "Ready grandma."

"Alright dear. Gil?"

"After you." He extended an arm outward as an offer for the lady to lead the way. Heather picked up her purse before the three filed out of the house. While she turned to lock the door, Gil leaned down and handed a folded up bill to Allison. "Use this to buy whatever gift you would like today."

"Wow, thank you Mr. G."

"You're very welcome." Gil stopped himself from voicing the other thought he had. Looking at the innocence before him, the once detached criminalist was deeply moved and delighted that Allison was spared the same fate that befell her mother. Not knowing if the child had been informed of that history, telling her of the immense joy swelling in his heart from being in her mere presences would be, well - weird.

Joining the pair, Heather said, "Back to your car story."

Refocusing his attention, Gil explained as they walked down the long porch. "Well, for years the owner of the Benz dealership had been wanting to buy the 220 for his collection. Said he needed a '64 coupe to round out his 60's wing, so every time I took it in for service, he would bug me to sell it and offer a great deal on a new Benz. So a couple of years ago on a lark and to see how badly he really wanted it, I told him if he ever got in a late model GrandTurismo with low mileage and gave me a phenomenal price, I'd think about it."

"My, that was a rather tall order and a vastly different type of car to request. Were you actually serious wanting a Maserati as a replacement or just pulling his leg?"

"Actually I was serious. It all started when I was in Spain, the guys at the university took me to a European brand car show and out of all the magnificent vehicles I saw that day, all those beautiful GTs spoke to me."

"And what exactly does a car like that say to you? Switching from old classic to modern elegance is literally a 180-degree flip, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't stem from your need to compensate."

Surprised she would mention that common adage in front of Allison; he stammered a reply, "Ahhh, no nothing to do with that." He took a moment to smirk before continuing. "Besides the obvious of stepping up from old and slow to new and fast, I learned a lot that day and came to appreciate Italian cars for the moving works of art that they are. The Italians have an unparalleled way of blending exquisitely shaped lines with powerful engines. What's not to like?"

"Some would describe them as exquisitely erotic." Heather said as she walked around the metallic gray coupe, taking it all in.

Gil opened the passenger door and flipped the level to move the seat forward. "Yes, that's a very good description. So one day I got the call and feeling obligated, I went to just take a look. Once there, he talked me into taking it out for a test drive. After the first mile, what can I say, it seduced me and I had to have it. We only live once and it was definitely time for a change."

Allison climbed in to the back seat only to be engulfed in the tall luxurious leather seat. Gil moved the level down and the front seat moved back into place. Stopping next to him, Heather commented, "Well, you certainly chose a car I never expected to see you in. Nice to see you stepping up."

Pulling his sunglasses down to shield the midday sun, he said, "It has been a while and you might find I've changed in many ways. Hopefully all for the better."

Whipping out a pair of sunglasses from her purse, Heather covered her eyes also. "I suppose, I have too." Heather smiled back at the grinning chauffeur.

_Later…..._

Spending a few hours at the mall shopping was a real treat for Gil. Allison led the way roaming from store to store and trying on different cloths. The one-time lovers trailed behind and looked on with happiness in their eyes. The sensual chemistry that had been between them was still there, smoldering under the surface. When the other wasn't looking, the aperture of their souls would open wide exposing the seductive magnetism that lingered within.

That afternoon Gil was given access to experience Heather once again devoid of her usual serious and formal veneer. Observing the interactions with her granddaughter, he witnessed a woman that was comfortably playful and mellow. He could've easily felt like a freeloader to the ladies banter, except they pulled him in on all their conversations. Their jokes and laughter was a pleasure to be around and their effervescence tickled his insides. It was the same happiness he experienced with Sofia and how she could make him grin and laugh.

He was also the honored tie-breaking vote on articles of clothing that Allison tried on. By the end of the day, the birthday girl had picked out a few new outfits for the upcoming school year and bought herself a Barbie and horse set with his monetary gift. She also acquired a budding friend in Mr. G. who had funny stories that he gladly shared with her. Unfortunately, the woman Heather had grown into was one that was still out of his reach.

Back at Heather's home, they switched vehicles to accommodate all of Allison's belongings that needed to be hauled back to Papa Jerome's house.

The birthday dinner at the Kessler's home wasn't a fancy affair. No, it was standard hamburgers on the grill, fries, corn on the cob and a salad. Of course there was cake and ice cream too. Brittany, her fiancé Tom, Nicole and her date of the month were there along with Lisa's brother and his family. The group of thirteen filled the quant home and warmly welcomed Gil to their family celebration, especially when it was mentioned he worked on Zoe's case.

For the former CSI, he found the contrast between Allison's full-time home with her grandfather and the part-time home at Heathers rather striking. Jerome and Lisa were a typical middle-income family getting by in Sin City minus indulgences. He was middle management in a data center, while Lisa worked part-time as a nurse. Compared to Heather who had built a million dollar business and was also doing well in her second career. The Kessler's were very family orientated, humble and modest, where as Heather's life was bold and ambitious.

_Later…._

The hour of eleven o'clock was quickly approaching as Heather's Lexus RX traveled across town. As they drove, she divulged to Gil a little more about her short time with Jerome. "It wasn't really a marriage, although when you're eighteen you think you know everything. We dated most of our senior year and at prom -" she paused remembering the stupidity of youth. "Getting high never brings about sound choices, as demonstrated by us thinking it would be cool and oh so grown up if we went downtown and got married that night."

"They do make it easy. Give them the money and you get a license, no questions asked."

"Yes, even back then it was too easy. After graduation and against our parents' wishes, we found an apartment and moved in. Lord it was a ratty one in a crappy neighborhood, but we wanted to be together and that's all we could afford. It was reaching the end of summer and I made plans to attend classes at the college. Jerome wasn't interested in higher education or making better money to get us out of that hellhole. So when I started school, it became the trigger for us to fight constantly. He didn't want me to change or better myself. He rather we remain in that illusion where life wasn't full of hard choices, yet money or in our case the lack of it, dictated how we lived from day to day, and it was hard. He had no ambitions back then beyond chilling out and well…..we split up before Thanksgiving and quickly divorced. By the time I realized I was pregnant with Zoe, I saw how Jerome wasn't responsible enough to take of me let alone a baby, so I never told him."

Gil turned slightly in the passenger seat to reply, "He appears to have grown up and become a very responsible parent and grandparent."

"It took him long enough, ten years and another wife. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about it, I just wished I knew we didn't share the same aspiration before jumping into the marriage thing."

"Before you split up, did you come to resent his attitude towards marriage and ultimately you?"

Heather heard Gil's personal experience laced in the question. She knew better than anyone what it meant for him to walk away from his beloved career. Did he do so because of a promise of something better, a life more fulfilling, only to find out otherwise? "I wasn't asked to prove my devotion by abdicating and abandoning my life I had created. With Jerome it had to do with not discovering or establishing a better and awarding life period."

Hearing Heather successfully describe his marriage, he turned his head away and looked out the window. He wasn't surprised, since she knew him better than he ever wanted to admit. After all this time, the memory of the betrayal still caused his cheeks to flushed a shade of red. All those discussions, the whining, complaining and countless tears the message was crystal clear, Sara didn't want anything to do with the crime lab or Vegas ever again. So he left it all behind to give her a new life and hopefully a happy life. No sooner did he yield to her boasting of waking up everyday to rainbows and unicorns only to have her turn around and go back to everything she said was killing her. Did he try to make a long distance marriage work? Kind of, sort of, maybe for a while, but finding himself free to do what he wanted, he took advantage of it and never felt guilty for it.

Not willing to go backwards like Sara, he went forward and created a new career, which allowed him to travel and see the world. Her filling in turned into part-time and with all the overtime soon equaled being back to full time. It didn't bother him while he was off lecturing, but when he was back in Vegas their opposite schedules became obvious and a dividing point. The resentment set in and his narcissistic side didn't like the fact she no longer looked up to him in awe. With the one enticing ingredient that kept him in the relationship gone, so was he.

"Back then I didn't have the luxury to wait for him to grow up. I was nineteen with a baby, who wanted more in life than working at the casinos or a strip club."

Pulled out of his brooding by Heather's voice, Gil said, "Nobody could fault you for that."

"Except when he did find out about Zoe, he didn't take it well, as you know. After that day with you, it took months for him to forgive me for denying him the chance to know Zoe. And that's mostly because he didn't want to admit what a loser he was back then."

"From the outside, one couldn't tell you two were anything but good friends now."

"It wasn't easy, Lisa was the one to get us to forget the past and live in the present…..for Allison's sake."

"She's very lucky to have such loving grandparents and extended family."

"She's lucky to have Jerome's family as her everyday influence. God knows I didn't have much successes with how I raised Zoe."

"I think you're being too hard on yourself."

"No, I'm being honest."

"Your daughter was going to Harvard, so I would say you were very successful."

"You're being kind, but leaving out the most glaring part where Zoe had to seek out a psychiatrist because of how I raise her. If that was the only result, that I could accept, but it became so much more and twisted. It still angers me thinking of that old pervert…..that man who abused his position and authority…..who trampled on the moral line of a therapist to prey on her weakness and God knows how many other young confused girls." Heather shook her head at the thought of that troll touching her baby.

"Gil, even you can see that scenario had daddy issues written all over it. It's my fault I denied her of having the integral father-daughter relationship, the one that is so important for a girl to establish a healthy self-image. It didn't matter Zoe was in Harvard; she still was compelled to seek out an older man to fill the void my decision caused. Her desperate need for a father figure over rode everything I taught her. I know I did my best at the time, but it just wasn't good enough considering she fell victim to two predatory men within a years time."

"It's horrible what happened to her, but you can't play the what if game. It only leads to heartbreak and the bottom of an empty bottle."

Heather glanced over, "Are you offering advice or speaking from experience?"

"Both."

Exiting the garage, Gil walked Heather to the front door. "Thank you again for inviting me to both parties. I enjoyed getting to know Allison, she's a wonderful girl with a bright future. As always, it was wonderful to see you."

Unlocking the door, Heather turned back to him while placing her keys back into the purse. "Even though I adore reading your letters, it was especially nice to see you in person again and without a crisis between us."

A bashful smile crossed his lips. "Yes, it was nice that we could just visit with each other this time."

The low wattage from the porch light warmed their faces. The hot arid air heated their skin. The wish not to part company lengthened their goodbye.

"When's your next trip?"

"Not until the fall, Italy for two weeks. That's all I have lined up for now even though there are a dozen requests sitting on my desk for next year. I need to deal with some other things that I keep putting off, so until I do, I'm not committing to anything."

"Well, Italy should be lovely that time of year. Are you going to be in the city or countryside?"

"I'll be in Rome during the week and then on the weekends take a trip into the county. Probably visit a winery and olive orchard. Mostly I'm looking forward to enjoy the scenery with a nice glass of wine."

"No museums on your list?"

"I haven't decided, probably depends on the weather."

Heather wondered what was causing him to be so indecisive about the future, but he didn't offer and she wasn't going to pry. "Whatever you do, I'm sure you'll have a lovely time. I'll eagerly look forward to reading your letter telling me all about the wonderful time you're sure to have." Pausing, she knew the longer she kept talking the harder it would be to bid him farewell. "Perhaps if you're in town, you can come to Brittany's wedding with me."

"I would like that. When is it?"

"October 17th, Sweetest Day."

"Unfortunately, I'm scheduled to leave the day before."

"Oh that's a shame, I know Allison would have liked to see you there. Well, I have an early session in the morning. Good night Gil."

Shoving hands into his pants pockets, "Good night, Heather." He watched as she opened the front door, memorizing all he could before she closed the door and departed out of his life again. Suddenly he blurted out, "Authentic!"

Heather's arm stopped and halted the doors motion, it was half closed as she listened for more.

"I was trying to prove it was authentic, not me being narcissistic again."

His words rang true and demonstrated he had faced the reason why he choose the path that was doomed from the start. Intrigued by his openness Heather pulled the door back open, the sturdy wooden door was a physical support for her body weight as she leaned on it. "And was it?"

Her acute question glued his physical body in place, but jarred a reflection of his life. "Aspects were, but I could say that about other women I have known."

Since he opened up Pandora's box on the past, she found herself receptive to hearing his inner analysis. Crossing her arms, not from any chill in the night air, but as a shield for the blunt truth she was seeking. The long sweater she carried added an extra measure of protection. "Were you looking for a...….surrogate?"

Sucking in his bottom lip, Gil swallowed down the disgrace he had been hauling around for some time and finally told Heather the truth. "No, I didn't need to look, she was always there, waiting, hoping, trying. Sara was conveniently there when another woman friend couldn't be."

"Catherine?"

Slowly shaking his head, "No."

"Me?"

That would be the natural conclusion, but it wasn't. "No, it was a woman that left town to further her career, but we both harbored a hope for more someday if the time was right."

Heather digested what he had said. One of the aspects that derailed their brief romance was how quickly she figured out and saw what he hid from others. His biggest fear was being known and having someone privy to his desires, so naturally he would choose a girl that would never push him to open up totally. A girl that he could hide parts of his self from, the side he had shown to her. "So you settled."

If she had asked him a week ago, his answer would have been evasive. But standing in front of the woman who had known him like no other was allowed to, his answer came swiftly this time. What did he have to loose? Eyes fell to the ground before saying, "Yes, sadly I did."

Heather nodded her head; she appreciated his candor as it showed he was more open to sharing. "As much as I would like to tell you not to be hard on yourself, that everyone makes mistakes, I can't in this case." She waited for Gil to looked back up at her before continuing. "You knew what you were walking into and I believe you both got what you wanted out of it. She got the Prince Charming she believed you to be. In addition came the validation and boost to her low self-esteem. And you, well you got a chance to see if you really could put aside your self-centered ways."

His shoulders crushed together as she spoke. "That's the Cliff's Note version."

"It's a shame you felt the need to put yourself through all of that, because I could have helped you, if you let me. Gil, I saw you weren't hopelessly narcissistic. In fact you were the exact opposite with me, until you doubted who you were."

Gil looked down for a moment, he searched for the words to explain his conundrum that day. Meeting her eyes, "You're correct." Closing his eyes to summons the courage to tell her why, all the whys. Ready or not, his eyes opened and the words spilled from his mouth. "I found myself in a position I never had been in before and…...I reacted the wrong way. I did so because for once I allowed my heart take control, I….….then doubted myself and hurt you deeply. There hasn't been a day that I don't think about the pain I hastily inflicted on you, or how I threw away what was an extraordinary beginning for us."

Moisture pooled in her eyes listening to his painful apology; Heather stepped back onto the porch, dropped her belongings and hugged him. "Thank you." With her face pressed to his, she softly added, "I've waited a long time to hear you say those words and truly mean them."

It took immense self-control not to hug her back, but his hands didn't listen and they conformed to her shapely hips. "I'm sorry you had to wait. I'm sorry for so much that I can't take back, but if I could, I would in a heartbeat."

"I know." Separating enough to look into his sorrowful yes, her fingers combed through the gray hair over his ear. "I've always known you deeply regretted it, but -" She swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Gil, I needed you to admit why you did it, not only to me, mostly to yourself. Allowing you to merely say sorry….….that didn't convey the severity of the crime you so quickly and callously doled out. I needed you to feel the same level of pain, so you could gauge the appropriate amends."

Looking into her teary eyes, Gil saw the hurt she still carried. It sucker punched his gut and turned his heart inside out at the realization how deep the cut he inflicted had really been.

Allowing her hand to fall to his shoulder she added, "You weren't the only one in unfamiliar territory that day, so I cut you off and walked away while I still could. There are many things I wish I done differently also. We were who we were back then, there's no changing that. But today has shown me how we both have changed, we've mellowed with age."

Looking deeply into her watery eyes, he tenderly said, "The one thing that has never changed in me," placing a hand softly on her face, "Is my love for you. Heather, I never stopped loving you."

Coming face to face with all those wasted years because of pride and egos, she knew it was time for her own confession. Eyelids half lowered, Heather's focus rested on her intention and whispered, "I couldn't stop loving you either." Then she gently kissed him.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8 - Emancipation

**Chapter Eight – Emancipation**

Thunderstruck – that's what Gil felt as the words, _I couldn't stop loving you either_, repeated in his head. Heather's full lips continued to envelop his svelte ones, taking possession and melting away the emotional breadth that had separated the lovers.

The man who used to make a living uncovering clues and finding minuet evidence never had an inkling she harbored that specific affection for him. Sure, at one time she liked and was attracted to him. But for the majority of the past decade plus, she had been mostly mad, pissed, angry, grateful, pitied, saddened and benevolent towards him. Love? That was totally unexpected.

She hid it well, flawlessly to be exact, because if Gil had the slightest indication, _God Almighty_, he would've done something other than what he did for the last twelve fucking years. The further it sank in and the longer the kiss went on, the tighter his hands clutched the dip of her hourglass frame. Feeling her in his arms again was a dream come true and this time nothing could cause him to wake.

As a sequestered yearning came forth to be reborn, his hands traveled up her back and grappled in the strands of her long silky hair. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Heather pulled herself further into him in an attempt to fuse their bodies into one again. The very man she found Shangri-La with and lost a portion of her soul to was back from a pilgrimage of self discovery.

There was nothing elegant or graceful about their kiss. The couple that prided themselves as being cerebral and deliberate kissed like primordial, crass and uncivilized tramps. Tongues crudely plunged into the other's mouth and roughly banged together. Heather's body vibrated from the inside out as an uncontrollable wave of emotion tossed her about. Tears streamed down to mix with saliva, allowing the salty emotion to stand up as testimony to the long odyssey the wayward lovers traveled. So much time had been wasted for a reason she hardly remember at the moment or gave a fuck about. What she did know was they both endured years in purgatory and now their penance was lifted.

Tearing their lips apart she gave one command, "Come." Pulling Gil towards the door, she almost tripped over her purse and sweater along the way. Scooping them up, they were tossed inside the door before it was swiftly shut to the outside world.

In a hazy fog he followed her, unwilling to let go of the lifeline that she finally threw his way. Within the few strides it took to cross the foyer, he had calculated the amount of time and energy it would take to climb the stairs to the third floor. The final tally came out to be too fucking much. The hands of time had to be spun back this instant, so they could experience that once upon a time exquisite bliss again.

At the bottom of the stairs, Gil strongly pulled on her arm making Heather spin back into his embrace and into a fiery kiss. His manic hands quickly pulled her T-shirt off; next they began to fumble and tugged at her jeans as he roughly kissed her ticklish neck. Being exposed to Gil's rabid need for her, Heather was aroused to the same frenzy level. Mirroring his actions, sandals were flicked off while nimble fingers relegated his slacks to the floor. Eager hands roamed over imitate places, petting and stroking the raving readiness of their sexes as they sank to the foot of the stairs. Quickly unbuttoning his shirt, she pressed her palms onto his feverish skin then using her weight, pushed him back against the first stair. Climbing on top, she straddled his legs and lined up their reunion.

Gil's arousal hit the flash point, turning blue iris a deeper shade as Heather slowly and deliberately devoured his entire length into her wet, hot core. Fingers spread outward over his chest as her body throbbed adjusting to their physical connection being realized. Eyes slammed shut at the same time her head flung backwards to suck in air and soothed over the initial pain felt. A carnal pain administered in love not dominance. Gil grasped her arms to keep her hands planted in place so they could impart the touch he craved for so long. A minute past before sparkling eyes locked together in a communication that only lovers are versed in.

Gradually, Heather began to ride him, heavy breasts bouncing about as the intensity steadily rose. Soon his hold moved up to her ribcage and he watched in unadulterated delight how her long hair whipped back and forth the way a mane does on a wild mustang running free. Tonight their fornication style demonstrated the feral nature that still lurks in the recess of everyone's DNA.

The serenity of the mansion way gave way to the sounds of desperate longing, wanting and lovemaking. The tears that streaked down Heather's face came from a mixture of sadness and elation. The rapid breathing from Gil's open mouth came from running away from true love, then back into its open arms. Slowing her gyrations, Heather's torso lowered down to fuse their mouths for the final leg of the journey. She already had given a piece of herself to him that one magical night, now she completed the exchange and allowed him to take all of her. She saw no shame in entrusting her power to the man under her, instead it was liberating.

With her legs crouched in a jockey style, his pelvis lifted for each deliberate thrust as he held her ass. Their mouths became filled with more than a lover's tongue; her groans joined his grunts as they sped headlong into salvation. Digging fingers into her hips, Gil forcefully buried himself into her center, again and again, filling her completely from mouth to womb. Burning lungs demanding air forced him to turn away at the crescendo. Gasping, groaning and spilling his essence into his love crowned their raw and powerful union. Through a heaving chest and a mind shrouded in lightheadedness, a soul smiled at the heart's victory over ego. It was a glorious truth to love again in mind, body and spirit.

Heather kissed and nuzzled the side of his neck allowing her own breathing to slow. She didn't make a motion to move off, but Gil made sure by wrapping his arms around her back. Minutes ticked by as they lay at the foot of the stairs savoring the knowledge of being one again.

"I suppose even at our age, there's a time and place for a quickie," Heather teased his earlobe with her lips before adding, "Not that I would want to make a habit out of it mind you."

Feeling like putty under her crafty lips, he breathed out, "I never knew…..I thought you…you merely….tolerated me."

Pushing up enough to look at him, Heather sighed. "I tolerated your stubbornness."

Still getting used to her declaration, he confused brain asked, "When, why?"

"Hummm, it must have been somewhere between the vibrator and the shower. It was definitely before I made tea." Her rueful smile caused his eyes to widened in shock. "I didn't see a point in allowing you further access to my heart after you picked up the phone. My dear Gil, I was a dominatrix, never a masochist and I refused to be one, even for you."

Gil nodded his head. He wouldn't want her to be anything less than who she really was.

Sitting up a little, he gathered her long locks in one hand. "I believe further restitutions is required for my lengthy stonewalling." Leaning in, he placed a wispy kiss upon her face. "I'm ready to go upstairs now," he said then skimmed his lips across her jawline. "Be your submissive." A ticklish kiss landed on her neck. "Beg for your forgiveness." A longer kiss pressed in further down. "Pleasure you with all that I am," he licked the hollow of her neck, then flicked his tongue in a way she had loved. "I'll do whatever you want until you say enough." Reaching up he kissed her longingly on the lips. Barely lifting his mouth from hers, "Please, just never say stop."

As he continued to bestow small kisses on her mouth, Heather said, "We don't…. have to make up…..for a decade…. in one night. Besides, I have to get up early." His thumb circled around a hard nipple, while his pubic bone rubbed against her mons. "Mmmmm, God you're getting close. Ahhhh, right there."

"When's your appointment?"

"Eight."

Freeing his hand from Heather's hair, he brought a finger to her lips and began tracing their exquisite shape. "Alright, a little now, a little later, as long as it's more than one night."

Opening her mouth in a manner that suggested fellatio. "I'm thinking the rest of our lives." She then licked the tip of his finger.

"That would be perfect, Mistress of my heart."

Hearing his words, deja vu instantly hit Heather -_ lying under the covers in a spooning position, the warmth of his body provided a secure ambience that was lulling her to the land of slumber. His slow and steady breathing moved over her hair and in the background were the faint cherry tweets of songbirds rejoicing the glory of a new day. On the edge of consciousness, she heard Gil whisper, "You are the Mistress of my heart."_

TBC


	9. Chapter 9 - Epilogue

**Chapter Nine – Epilogue**

_Two weeks later…_

"Gil dear, can't we eat before you show me whatever it is you're being so mysterious about?"

Keeping his attention on the road, he simple answered, "No, we have to do this first."

With their hands intertwined and resting on the center console, Heather wiggled them while saying, "I'm the one who should be surprising you on your birthday."

"You can surprise me later, if you wish." He glanced over and gave Heather a devilish smile.

In the fourteen days since they rekindled their romance, Gil split his time between his apartment and Heather's home. During the day while she was busy with client sessions, he'd roll up his sleeves and dig into his disorganized place. With an invigorated and solid purpose, he plowed through all those boxes that had cluttered the dingy apartment for the past few years. Each box was meticulously gone through and items went into one of three categories; stay with him, go to a new home or be chucked into the trashcan. The furniture, what little there was, also received the same treatment.

On the day he came across the bottle of Scotch that Captain Brass had given him as a retirement gift, he chuckled out loud. His amusement didn't come from the booze itself, but the memory of Jim's deadpan delivery telling him to get a sports car. Little did the grizzled Detective know the Gil Grissom of old would never consider risking his life in a James Dean kind of way, that's what rollercoaster where for. The cautious fellow that he was, he got his adrenalin rushing thrills at the amusement park where there's no risk of loosing control in a car going over a hundred miles an hour. Actually, avoiding any type of risk served him well for the majority of his life, but Gil didn't live that way any longer and he was glad for it. If it wasn't for his mother kicking him in the ass and showing him some risks have the greatest payoffs, he still be driving that slow, dull, and well-worn car instead of the sexy, blood pumping beast he now had.

Each day at around five o'clock or so, he would stop whatever it was he was doing, get cleaned up and go over to spend the evening at Heather's house. When her day wound down, she would don more casual attire and together with Gil prepare a meal while talking. After dinner they would go for a stroll and talk some more. As the sky darkened they would sit on the front porch and talk over the sharp vocalizing of the crickets. The evenings were rounded out by retiring to bedroom to read by the fireplace, chat or making love in a menagerie of venues. These condensed times only deepened what had always there between them and each appreciate every gifted minute together.

Today was not only Gil's birthday, but also a significant step in re-organizing his life. He was excited to show Heather what he found, even if she didn't yet understand the significance of it. Pulling up to a gate, he gave a name to the attendant on duty. With a nod of a head, the metal structure before them slowly moved off to the side allowing entrance. Gil drove with confidence knowing which street to turn at as Heather looked around with her interest now peaked. Stopping behind a pearl white Cadillac, he announced, "We're here."

Raising an eyebrow Heather didn't say anything, but now had an idea where this was going. After introductions, they followed Agent Gerri Miller as she described the community for Dr. Kessler's benefit. Walking up the driveway, the two-story home evoked a Mediterranean feel thanks to the faded earthy peach stucco exterior, rustic rock work, metal scrolled gate and faux balconies, blue window shutters, and strategic placed greenery.

Unlocking the front door, Gerri said, "This home is in excellent condition for being 20 years old and with a glutton of homes on the market, you could get it for a real steal." Walking in she continued her running monologue as Heather and Gil followed hand in hand. "To the left is the formal dining room, but with the build-in bookshelves it be used as a study. To the right is the formal living room complete with fireplace. The transoms add an elegant touch to the home. Notice the floors are cherry wood and in excellent condition. These rooms feel larger than they are thanks to the ten-foot high ceilings. Besides the light colored walls, the picture windows and French doors really allow a lot of natural light in, but don't worry about huge energy bills. The outside overhangs rarely allow any direct sunlight coming into the home to heat it up."

Allowing the pair to take in the first two rooms, Gerri then directed them towards the back of the house. "The kitchen is this way. If you like to cook, this is truly a master chef's dream kitchen." Waving her arms she talked, "Beautiful granite countertops and an island that's perfect for entertaining. All top of the line stainless steel appliances, gas burners, limestone floor, and a good size pantry. With the open floor plan into the family room, there's lots of room for parties and you have nice access to the back patio and grill."

"Gerri could you please show Heather the back patio."

"Certainly." Unlocking and opening the patio door, they all stepped out into the August heat that was tempered by the shade from the full-length roof. "The previous owners love gardening and really did a fabulous job making this into a little oasis, don't you think?"

Heather nodded, "Yes, it's lovely."

"As you can see the whole length of the patio is covered," she pointed upward, "complete with ceiling fans. If you want to add misters, the patio is already plumbed for it." Pointing past the patio Gerri gushed, "Isn't this horseshoe shaped pool charming? It's just the right size for cooling off on a hot day or relaxing on a floater. And this center section is the perfect size for a bar height table and chairs. Imagining sipping Margaritas as the sun goes down and being surrounded from the glow of the pool lights. Now if you want to swim for exercise, the clubhouse has an Olympic size pool that's open year round. All the landscaping looks lush, but it's all done with xeriscape plantings so don't worry about your water bill being sky high. And as you can see there's no grass for you to mow, but you do get to enjoy view of the gold courses grass areas. As you can see, the one advantage of buying in an established community is the beautiful mature trees that surround the property."

Walking back into the house, Gerri led them back to the front hall and up the stairs. The lovers hadn't spoken since getting out of the car, but Gil's blue eyes danced with merriment and spoke for him. Heather kept a somber expression even when he continued to smirk at her.

At the top of the stairs Gerri pointed down the hall, "The two bedrooms share one full bath, and I absolutely _love_ this master suite."

What waited for Heather beyond the double doors was a suite worthy of a fine resort room. The vast space featured a see-thru fireplace, a coffee bar, a raised bed area, a walkout covered patio and a stunning bathroom complete with a sunken tub.

Robert Palmer's _'Simply Irresistible'_ ring tone bounced off the bedroom walls and prompted Gerri to dig out her cell phone. Turning to Gil she said, "Excuse me, I have to take this call from the office. Please take your time and look around, I'll met you downstairs when you're ready."

"Of course, go ahead," he answered then sat down on the steps that led to the bed area. His hands squeezed together as he waited for Heather to concluded her inspection of the bathroom. As soon as she exited, he eagerly asked, "What do you think?"

In a familiar controlled voice she answered, "It's a beautiful home, although awfully large for just one person."

Patting the space next to him invited Heather to sit and talk. "I don't know, it feels about right to me. Granted, it's larger than any place I've lived in before, but it's a lot smaller than your mansion."

Sitting down, Heather was stumped at what this really was all about. He never said a word about house hunting and none of their conversations touched on living together on a full term bases. Angling her body towards his, "You win, for once I have no idea what's going on in that head of yours. Why are _we_ looking at this house?"

"I've been putting off looking for a new place since before my mother died." Looking down at his feet, Gil continued, "Mostly because I didn't know what I wanted or where I even wanted to be. It wasn't because I felt lost. It had more to do with ignoring and not dealing with the choices that have me living where I am. It's one of the reasons why I took on as many lectures and classes, a good excuse not to be home much." He straightened out a leg and rolled it back and forth on the heel of his shoe. "Mother and I had talked about moving back to California, but after sitting down and doing the math, we couldn't justify it. On the flip side, I've had numerous offers to move out to the New England area, but that didn't feel right and I really didn't want to deal with snow at my age."

Looking up into affectionate hazel eyes, he took one of Heather's hands into his. "Then we reconnected and I knew this was where I truly belonged. So I got busy cleaning up my past and laying out a new chapter in my life. Topping that list was finding a home, a real home, not a condo or townhome with other people on top of me. Next, was deciding my vagabond days are over. From here out I'm restricting the number of speaking invitation I take, to at the most, two a year. Hon, there are other things I want to do with my time, to truly enjoy my retirement years."

"Like?"

"I would like to write a book or two about my career experiences and most challenging cases. This way I can teach through books instead of in person and this will allow me to stay home, so _I _can learn new things like golfing. I really like this house because it will allow me to take up golfing. I can enjoy being outside in the mornings and be doing something physical at the same time. I've spent too many years sleeping when the sun is out, it's time to make up for that. Another is cooking. I'm interested in reproducing some of the best dishes that I've tasted from around the world. I want to challenge myself before it's too late." Pausing to catch his breath. "Heather, this will be my new life and I very much like you to be a part of it by maybe…someday sharing this home with me."

"It sounds like a wonderful plan and a life that you richly deserve."

His head tipped to the side, "But?"

"Not really a but, more like a pause to let me catch up to you. I mean you sprang this on me out of the blue, so I'll need time to assimilate what you're offering."

"Take all the time you need, I just wanted you to see this house before I sign the paperwork to put an offer in."

"So you are buying it?"

"Yes, and I would love for you to help me pick out new furniture and decorate it, that way you'll be just as comfortable here as I will."

"Dear, what exactly are you thinking for us in the future?"

Intense green eyes searched for a clue causing him to say, "Let's talk about it over dinner."

"No, let's talk about it now. Darling, deep down I know you're a traditional type of man, so what exactly is your _desire_ for us?"

Lightly shaking his head, "It's much too soon to talk about that."

"No, I think not."

"Well –" He stopped with the inkling that Heather will think him crazy of even considering this line of thought.

"Gil?"

"It's silly of me since I believe I already know your position, and that's fine, really."

"You're talking about more than dating, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Did it occur to you I never fell in love with another man since Jerome and _that's_ why I never re-married?"

His expressions brightened, "So there's a possibility."

"Never say never, right? But I have to ask, why buy when you are more than welcome to move in with me?"

"I do like your house, but it's part of our past, a rocky past at that…..and I need something that is mine, in case we decide not to live together."

"What's your hurry to buy now? Wait a few more months and let's see where we are."

"Well for starters I've put this off for far too long, I can't stand that apartment I'm in. Second, I can't have you over because it's…well I'd be embarrassment to have you see how I currently live. But here, this home is bright, cheerful and roomy. I love the layout and the view is something I never had. I would bet Allison would love the pool. Heather, I know I'd be happy here, and more so if you were here with me someday."

She looked up into his anxious eyes, "Mr. Grissom, is this a…. marriage proposal?"

"More like testing the waters." Gil got up to give her space to mull over all he said. He walked to the patio door and looked out over the glistering pond with the greenness of a fairway behind. He had thought about many things over the past couple of weeks and seeing what he could wake up to each and every morning made the moment perfect.

Walking back to Heather, he got down on one knee and took her left hand into his. "Heather, you have been the Mistress of my heart for so long, even when we weren't speaking to each other, you were always here," a hand tapped his heart. "No one else that can claim that ownership, so someday will you consider getting married? It doesn't have to be a legal ceremony; a verbal pledge to each other will be more than adequate. I have always loved you and always will." He bowed his head and kissed the top of her hand.

Where does one begin to count time to consider such a serious proposal? In the immediate present, which consisted of a mere two weeks and maybe throw in twelve hours from a decade ago? How about back to the beginning, fourteen years ago when they first laid eyes on each other? Does writing to each other over the past several years count considerably? Or is it something that can't be measured in the lineal sense, because the soul is timeless even in the physical plane.

Listening to her soul, Heather gathered her thoughts and squeezed his hand. "My dearest Gil, you have been the Master of my heart for the same period of time. You have delighted in my good side and have endured experiencing my bad side. You have been beside me when I didn't want you there and even when you shouldn't have been there at all. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you in it."

She paused to offer a smile. He wasn't asking her to abandon her career, but to experience the future, be it good times or bad times to come, and to do so as a couple bound to each by their sacred word.

There would be time later to figure out the logistics of it all, so staying in the moment she continued, "I will marry you and not merely by words alone. You're the only man worth pledging myself to, not only because I know how much it means to you, but because I _love you_."

Beaming from ear to ear, Gil stood up and brought Heather with. His hand swept across her cheek, "Your beauty is as vast as the universe. Your love shines brighter than the sun. And I am but a humble man allowed to walk in your exceptional shadow." He placed a soft kiss to her luscious lips. This kiss lingered the way a butterfly lingers in a sparse patch of the sunlight on a chilly, dewy heavy morning. "This is the best birthday present I could ever receive."

Wiping lipstick off his mouth with a thumb, she teased, "Consider it the first of many presents to come tonight. Darling, what would you say if I met you in Italy after your lecture, say a pre-marriage honeymoon?"

Through a drunk-like smile, Gil said, "I would have to say, Ti amo."

Heather smiled back, "Ti amo."

**_The End_**

**_Thanks for reading_**

**_Peace, Love and Roll 'n Roll Baby_**


End file.
